Bad Plans At Best Doubts
by EdyFerrone
Summary: During Senior Year, Sam seems to realize that Blaine hasn't got any plans for his future. Apparently though, his future isn't the only thing Blaine isn't completely sure about. [Nerd!Sam / Badboy!Blaine, written for a prompt at the GKM]
1. Chapter 1

So, hello!

This story was written for a prompt at the Glee-Kink-Meme. It took me a long to actually focus on it but now I feel inspire, so I'm hopefully going to update often to get it over asap! Also, please notice that English is not my first language, so there might be mistakes. I hope there aren't too many and that you enjoy :3 xoxo

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Sometimes Sam thinks Blaine knows.

He already started questioning this when they got close; because a bad boy wouldn't actually be friends with such a nerd as he is, if there weren't some interests. At first Sam thought Blaine was approaching him because he somehow found seducing a nerd funny. He thought it was just one of his stupid games – even though that's probably because he didn't know Blaine as a person back then (he just thought Blaine was an arrogant jerk; gorgeous, charming, but still a jerk).

But now, when they're sitting on the coach of Blaine's place, playing videogames, Sam feels a lot more comfortable with Blaine that he's actually ever felt with anyone else in his whole life. Being such a shy guy, it's been hard for him to grow close to people, but with Blaine, it turns out to be incredibly easy. They've been killing zombies for two hours almost and Sam doesn't even feel like stopping. It's so incredibly good to just play easily with another boy.

It has nothing to do with the fact that now and then he can turn and just stare at how gorgeous Blaine's face looks when he's all focused and serious, like he is actually fighting for his own survival.

It has nothing to do with the way Blaine's gel is coming off of his hair now, revealing the curls he's practically hiding to the rest of the world. It makes him feel stupidly proud, the fact that there's something Blaine shows to him and him alone.

It has nothing to do with Blaine's throat either, or the way he occasionally swallows when a zombie comes out of nowhere and makes him startles, even if he tries to hide his reaction because he's so adorably reluctant at showing his own hesitations, even when it comes to a videogame.

It has surely nothing to do with the way Blaine laughs and jokes everytime one of them gets killed – especially when Sam is the one who dies – or eventually gets mad if Sam doesn't heal him with the spray during an important mission.

It's just because Blaine can be funny and he likes most of the things Sam likes too. Okay, it's actually because Sam has been in love with him for long now, but sometimes not thinking about it makes it easier for him to get over the fact that Blaine is straight and he's not going to reciprocate his feelings.

"God, we're never going to get over this fucking level, I'm sick of it." Blaine growls all of a sudden and Sam almost startles at the way his voice brings him back to reality. He's glad that Blaine didn't turn, because he would have caught him staring.

"Yeah, hmm," He stutters before he manages to formulate, his face frowning just a little, "this iron giant idiot has kicked our ass again."

He knows it's his fault. He isn't paying _any_ attention to the game. Of course. How could he when he has Blaine there? He just looks too perfect for him to get distracted on zombies.

"What is this? The twentieth time we try it today?" Blaine rolls his eyes to the ceiling, tilting his head back against the couch, looking unbelievably frustrated and handsome at the same time. "Not to mention yesterday." He growls lowly, and Sam _loves it_ when his voice does that thing. Blaine's got such a good vocal range, but he always denies Sam the pleasure to sing in private, just for him.

"Maybe we should just-"

"Give up?" Blaine finally turns to him, looking in disbelief with the side of his head still pressed into the back of the couch. Sam feels a little breathless at the sight, but he tries not to let it show too much.

"Nah, dude," he says, shaking head and pressing his lips together for a moment, "I meant we should check on a Youtube walkthrough."

"That's girl stuff." Blaine complains, wincing evidently. "I mean, girls go through videogames walkthroughs because they don't even know how to fight a boss." Sam lifts his eyebrows and chokes a laugh, and then Blaine rolls his eyes again. "Fine, we don't know how to do that either, but that's different. We'll find a way out, they won't."

"That's not true." Sam turns around on the couch until he's with his legs on it, his knees almost touching Blaine's thighs – the brief brush of their bodies together is enough to set his heart of fire and make it hammer quickly inside his chest. "Girls don't usually get there because they're smarter. They know that using a walkthrough occasionally and ending the game as soon as they can, they'll have time to buy and play a new one. Or maybe collect trophies. They're smart."

"They're dumb." Blaine wrinkles his lips, almost pouting a little; and that looks ridiculous, especially while he's dressed up in white undershirt and ripped tight jeans. "Don't ever date them; they're just a pain in the ass."

Sam laughs, but there's also a little stab at his heart, like every single time Blaine mentions going out with girls. "I won't." He makes clear, like he needs to. "I'm gay, remember?"

"Yeah, I _do_ remember." Blaine smirks and when he does that, when he acts like this, Sam can't help but wonder.

As slowly as they became friends, there was never a moment when Sam let him see through this. He's always tried to hide from him that there was more; and still, sometimes, when he jokes like this, when he seems knowing, Sam can't help but wonder if Blaine actually knows. It was a crush at first, but now he isn't sure anymore. There's a part of him which knows that it has already become so much more than just that.

And the way Blaine said it, that _I __**do**__ remember_ makes it harder for Sam to believe in any way that _he doesn't know_. So he doesn't reply. He wouldn't know _how_ to reply to that, therefore he just turns to the big TV screen. He hopes Blaine would do the same, but he can feel his eyes over his own features and it's now making him uncomfortable.

"Just because I'm curious …" Blaine's voice violently breaks the silence a few seconds later, even though the words are barely whispered, with that hot low tone Blaine always uses when he looks like he wants to drive Sam crazy on purpose. "Have you ever actually_ been_ with a boy?"

The question comes out before Sam can even _ask_ what Blaine is curious about. He turns a little instinctively, his green eyes spread and his teeth chewing on his lower lip. He can already feel a shade of red spreading over his cheekbones and painting his face embarrassingly. He hates being so shy around him. He hates it _so much_.

"Hmm, do you, hmm, mean …" He stutters senselessly, another of those things he can't stand doing whenever he's around Blaine. Being as cool as Blaine is, he probably thinks Sam is ridiculous. "_Been_ like dating?" He asks, pressing his enormous lips together for a moment.

"_Been _like fucking, c'mon Sam!" Blaine rolls his eyes a little, though he doesn't look as annoyed as he is usually to other people when he uses this tone. A moment later, he's already looking into Sam's eyes again. "In bed. Have you ever had sex with a guy before?"

Sam stiffens up against the couch, his body suddenly becoming rigid as he tries to look as calm as he can. He hates that Blaine does this. If he knows about Sam's crush on him – which is more and more probable – why would he even ask such a question? Sometimes Sam feels like Blaine just enjoys making him uncomfortable.

"Nah, I-I kind of don't have time for that," He jokes, forcing a smile, "You know, dude, too many Playstation trophies. It's not like they're going to get unlocked themselves while it's off, so …"

Blaine laughs instinctively, that spontaneous laugh that always comes out a little more high-pitched than the usual ones. Sam loves it. It reminds him that under the bad boy there's some less cool guy, who is as normal as Sam is, someone who isn't just the guy that everybody envies and fears.

"Sex can be fun." Blaine says easily and he shrugs, letting the joystick fall definitively between his legs. "I mean, I was curious to know what it felt like with boys, but it seems like you can't answer my question …" He tilts an eyebrow allusively, turning and looking into Sam's eyes all of a sudden, which makes something clench in Sam's stomach.

He knows Blaine is not mean, not to him, but at the same times he wished he would stop making him feel like this. He would think it is unintentional but the truth is that Sam is well aware of how smart Blaine is, the way he always knows what he is doing. So he sighs, blinking and staying still because even if the silence feels awkward, Sam hasn't found something appropriate to say yet that wouldn't compromise the way Blaine feels towards him.

Blaine though doesn't seem to agree with his idea of just staying silent.

"You should give it a try." He says and Sam looks at him again. He stays rigid but he can feel himself blushing. Of course he wants to have sex, every teenager does, but talking about it with the guy he has an enormous crush on doesn't help him feeling more comfortable. "I mean, I swear it's funny and you don't always have to give a meaning to it. It can be just to feel good."

"I want to give a meaning to it." Sam stiffens on the couch and he's subconsciously moving away from Blaine. "And I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you, Blaine. No offense, but … we have different points of view on sex, dude."

Blaine seems considering for a moment, titled up eyebrows and wrinkled lips – like he's not even seriously thinking that he might somehow share his point of view.

"Jeez, calm down." He mutters eventually, "I was just curious. We can go back to videogames, like now."

Sam knows that there's a '_For now'_ hidden in his words, but he doesn't manage to say anything to fight it. There's a secret side of him who wants _to talk_ about sex with Blaine, that is curious to find out about Blaine's relationship with sex, the way he acts and thinks towards it more in the details.

"Yeah, that would be better." He says though, eventually. "I really don't feel like dealing with this now. Let's just play or … study?"

Blaine laughs at the proposition, like Sam thought he would, "Study sounds crazy. I'm never going to do that, like _ever_."

"No college?" Sam is smiling again.

"No college," Blaine confirms.

Even though there's tickling bitter sensation in Sam's chest at the words (which comes from his natural concern for his best friend, he knows, nothing to worry about), he smiles at the way Blaine says it, nonchalantly, like he didn't even _consider_ the idea of college, not even for a moment. It is upsetting to see his grades, because Sam knows how smart Blaine is. He just doesn't care and that's what makes him a bad student.

"Then, what are you going to do when we graduate?" He is still giggling a little when he asks.

Blaine stiffens immediately, "Look, I didn't pressure you into talking about something you didn't feel comfortable with."

The way his voice sounds, so awkwardly tensed, or the way his eyes snap away, avoiding the eye-contact, every single detail of his following movements makes Sam understand that maybe he hasn't been a good friend not to realize earlier. Blaine _has no clue_ what to do with his life. He is stuck into being a bad boy and has nothing else ahead of him.

The thought of it makes him wince and sigh at the same time, and finally, he presses the round little button on his joystick and turns off the Playstation, leaving Blaine a little upset and stunned.

"What?" Blaine turns to him abruptly. "Hey, no, what do you think you're doing?" He asks, turning the Playstation on again by using his own joystick. "We were getting close, I think I've figured out how to kill that thing-"

"Blaine." Sam gives him that concerned deep look that always seems to make Blaine understand when he is serious. "This is very important. What are you going to do when you graduate?"

"Well, 'what are you going to do with your dick' seemed like a very important question to me minutes ago, but I didn't get a reply, so." Blaine shrugs childishly and a little bitterly, but Sam knows it takes patient with his best friend. He even ignores the way he blushes at the rude words. It's inevitable.

"That wasn't your question actually," He points out and before Blaine has a chance to complain, he adds quickly, "You asked me about gay sex and then joked about my experience, but that's not the point now." Blaine lifts his chin cockily, as he always does when he wants to act awfully to someone. Unluckily for him, Sam knows him to well to feel bad about it. "I'm concerned about the reasons why you think it is not a good idea for you to plan on your future."

Blaine gives him a look that seems a lot like he's mocking Sam's sophisticated words, but once more, Sam ignores it. Blaine must sense he isn't going to let him win on this, because, eventually, he sighs and gives in a little.

"Look, it's just that I haven't thought about it. I don't want to go to college. High school is traumatic enough for me." Blaine shrugs and Sam finds himself startling when he leans a hand to rest it on Sam's thigh. They're not used to this kind of contact. They hug, bump at each other's shoulders, but it's never like this. Blaine's hand is delicate and resting there almost as if it's just casual, but at the same time, it doesn't look like it's just that. "And if I don't go to college, there's nothing but shitty works waiting for me, which doesn't help me feeling inspired and go to look for it."

"Hey, dude, not cool." Sam swallows, trying to avoid the feeling inside him at the way Blaine's fingers are leant there, without moving, as Blaine looks away from him. "I mean, no job is crappy. Working is honorable itself."

"Yeah, that's the theory." Blaine turns to him and shakes his head, his face seeming just a little weaker than usual – though Sam is sure Blaine isn't realizing, either way he would wash it away so that he couldn't see it. "But can you blame me for feeling uninspired?"

"That's a lame excuse, you know that, right?" Sam sighs and sinks a little in the couch, having no idea why Blaine's hand is still there over his jeans. It's making him hold his breath too long. "You're just lazy and don't want to even try and find an option."

Blaine lifts his triangular eyebrows and looks at him with a smirk on his lips. Sam is quite sure his heart stops for a moment.

"Oh and how would you know?" Blaine teases, a little more amused than before. "You really read too much into me, Sammy. Sometimes I feel like you think about me twenty-four/seven." He winks and Sam flushes and looks away just for the slightest of moments, before he's gazing at Blaine again.

"Honestly," He whispers lower than he intended it too, "If by thinking about you twenty-four/seven you mean feeling concerned about you being the biggest jerk in town and a destructive force of nature, well, that's the truth."

Blaine opens his mouth to snap back, but his smirk drops a little when he seems to realize Sam's words. The shift of emotions on his face is so evident that Sam has to resist the urge of tugging him into their usual hug. He looks like he is completely lost for a moment, like he is realizing that Sam's words make a lot more sense than his personal convictions.

He looks down and licks his lower lip (which is something Sam isn't totally staring at; not even a little), and this is actually awkward. Blaine looks more fragile that Sam has ever seen, and to be honest, it also makes him a little uncomfortable, because Blaine is always the rough one between them, and he has no idea how to act if he behaves this way.

Eventually, Blaine must realize this silly silence isn't useful to anyone, because he opens his mouth to speak. Once more, he needs to stop for a moment before he can actually do so, but still, he never meets Sam's gaze as he spits it out.

"Look, I'm socially wrecked, I know." He murmurs, so low – and sexy – that Sam almost misses it. He would have missed it if he wasn't so focused on Blaine's mouth maybe. "I'm just a living mess and I love being that. My point is that no one would hire a person that looks so irresponsible."

"How do they know-" Sam is asking but Blaine turns a 'are you serious?' gaze to him.

"_Look at me_." He sighs, "I dress in leather, drive motorcycles and absorb alcohol like a spoon; who would trust such a person enough to give him a job? I don't care, okay? I won't change the way I am to get a job. I'm okay with it, everybody can fuck off."

These are the last words before he stiffens up in his seat and stares at the screen of the TV. There's nothing but the Home of Blaine's PSN account, and Sam wants to ask for more, but he has no idea how to do that exactly. He never knew Blaine felt like this and honestly, Blaine is good at hiding his own emotions, so that's not a big surprise.

But he wants to do something about it. So bad. Wants to wash this bad feeling off of Blaine.

"Fuck it," Blaine curses newly and he leans over the small table between the couch and the screen to take his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Sam frowns a little but he lets him do so. It's probably going to help Blaine feeling less nervous.

He waits patiently for Blaine to calm down, waits until his legs start shaking nervously. He knows this is something Blaine does when he's nervous or angry, just like he knows that pushing him into a discussion when he hasn't calmed down yet just brings to a lot of senseless yelling. It wouldn't resolve anything and that's why, instead, Sam just waits and waits until this cigarette is almost useless, the cherry colored end of it now turned into nothing but cold dust. That is when Blaine's leg stops shaking and Sam knows he can speak again.

"You know," he starts and Blaine finally looks at him again (his eyes seem just a little weaker than usual, but he is hiding it by tilting his eyebrow cockily), "Once a very smart guy – whom I barely knew back then - told me something and I'm still thankful for that lesson. He told me that prejudice is just ignorance. Then he told me to go fuck off because he didn't have any time to waste on me."

Blaine's lips tilt into a curious smiles as he says, "This guy was actually smart, wasn't he?"

Sam chuckles just a little and nods, "He is very smart, and I'm sure of it. And that's why I think he should give a chance to his future. He is worth it."

Blaine's mouth opens in a 'o' of surprise as he seems to realize that the boy Sam meant is actually him. He probably doesn't remember that day, because they didn't know each other –except for high school rumors. Sam has no idea what the sentence was about back then, but it hit him and is still stuck in his head after so long. He thought Blaine was drunk or something.

"Well, maybe that guy is way too smart to get a job or into college, you know, a genius." Blaine suggests but Sam rolls his eyes a little, which seems to make him understand. "Okay, I'm sorry. What I meant is that … I'm not sure what I want to do with my life. I like riding my baby, playing my guitar and cursing, but none of these are occupations that could guarantee a future."

Sam wrinkles his enormous lips and when Blaine moves his fingers on his thigh again, he swallows, remembering that his hand is still there. He tries to ignore it as much as he can, because they're having a friendly conversation that might be important for Blaine's future now. Although it isn't easy, especially when Blaine moves his fingers along his leg, almost as if he's tracing invisible circles all over it. Sam isn't sure if he's aware of what is doing, but he tries to ignore it. There's a part of him who enjoys the touch and isn't ready to let it go just yet. He isn't sure when Blaine is going to touch him like this again, like something that seems more than friendly.

"It's out Senior Year, Blainers. It's now or never." He whispers fondly, looking at his best friend. "Everybody is making projects about next fall and that's an important part of your high school life. It doesn't matter if you'll find the right way for you right now; at least you'll have searched."

"Why would I waste my fucking time if there's nothing for me out there?" Blaine asks childishly. _Patience_, Sam reminds himself once more.

"You can't be sure that there's actually nothing out there if you don't even look for it." Sam replies, "how would you know?"

"I just know." Blaine growls and he seems a little frustrated at the conversation. "You're bothering me but I don't remember you saying anything about your future either."

"I've got it all planned." Sam shrugs and he's finally relieved when Blaine moves his hand away from his thigh. "I just want to make videogames. That is my future."

Blaine seems astonished at the words and Sam realizes that it is because they've never actually talked about it. Being stubborn and proud as he is, Blaine probably feels betrayed at the fact that Sam knew exactly what to do and didn't even tell him about it.

"I thought it was clear, I mean with all the software I've downloaded lately, I thought you figured it out," he has no idea why he is murmuring excuses, but he doesn't want Blaine to get mad at him – as silly as it sounds.

"You didn't even tell me," Blaine growls, but he's not as mad as Sam thought he'd be from his face. "But that's not the point now, so I'll pretend I don't feel like strangling you."

Sam is relieved, but not too much because they still have an important conversation left open and he won't allow any distraction.

"Look, I have a plan." He spits out and moves just slightly on the couch, subconsciously getting closer to Blaine. "We are going to turn our Playstation off for a few afternoons," he explains calmly, watching as Blaine looks already shocked, "and I'm going to help you figuring out if there's actually something waiting for you outside this hole of a town. If we can't find anything – and I'm sure that's not the case – you'll be free to do whatever you want and I swear I'm not going to bother you anymore."

Blaine considers it for a moment. He looks like he doesn't want to give up in any way because of his pride. Of course, that's what he does all the time. Eventually though, he leans a little closer – which makes Sam hold his breath for a few moments – and whispers, "Are you going to leave me alone after I proved you wrong?"

Sam doesn't know if he's reading too much into things, but the way he says it. It seems like there's so much more hiding behind it, like this has suddenly nothing to do with their Senior Year, with college or job opportunities. They're looking into each other's eyes without trailing back and Sam feels like this energy exchange is so intense that he could melt under it. What makes him wonder more is that Blaine's hazel eyes are filled with a darker shadow surrounding his pupils. There's usually nothing good coming when Blaine has got that into his eyes.

Sam isn't sure if this is actually about him or about Blaine's sudden question on how it feels to have sex with a boy, but he wants to force himself to think that it's just his mind playing tricks on him. But even when's managed to force himself to interrupt the way their gazes are chained, he doesn't help his own situation because his eyes fall on Blaine's lips. He's dreamt about those lips for so long, kissing him all over, sweetly and maybe even a little roughly. He wouldn't mind.

Blaine's mouth looks so soft and tempting, and it's almost the opposite of him. Behind his bad boy look, Blaine has got wonderful big eyes and full lips and it just does so much to Sam that he isn't sure he can express it into words. So he swallows every single word down and when he finally manages to do so, he tears his eyes away from Blaine's lips. It's too dangerous for him to stare.

"Yes," he spits out, suddenly remembering that Blaine had asked him something – which wasn't too clear to him, but still, he has to answer, "I swear I'll leave you alone." He nods to himself, but then he gets a little caught by surprise.

When he actually focuses on Blaine's face, Blaine is staring at his lips shamelessly, like he doesn't even feel some embarrassment or find a reason to tear his eyes off of Sam's mouth. He doesn't even look away immediately, in fact, he just stares there like there's nothing wrong about it. Sam has no idea whether he wants to add it or not to the list of awkward things happening between them today.

Eventually, Blaine seems to get to a point when the staring has lasted for too long, because he looks up into Sam's eyes. There's not even a little of hesitation in his gaze, in fact he's still got that dangerous darker shade in his irises that makes it hard for Sam not to look away only because he can't stand such an intense gaze without letting himself wonder about it.

"Fine, then I guess we have a deal," Blaine groans, his voice coming out just a little lower than before. Anyone else wouldn't have noticed even, but Sam doesn't miss it. He hardly misses anything when it comes to Blaine. "But, let's be clear, I'm only doing it because I think that going through a crazy schedule of job offers and college opportunities would be easier than having to stand you torturing my head until I make up my mind."

Sam chokes a laugh, which breaks just a little the tension in the room. He shrugs to loosen up, but he's not sure it's going to work.

"Of course," he murmurs, finally taking the joystick back in his hands, "Why would you care about your future and feel the need to make plans?" He switches through the home until he's selecting Resident Evil again.

"Now that's it." Blaine growls, but he's already sprawling on the couch and stretching for the next matches to come.

Sam plans on enjoying this right now, because with all the stress he is going to go through to find something Blaine sees as potential, he'll probably get zero chances to play like this, all afternoon long.

The rest of the day goes smoothly. Truth to be told, Sam thought Blaine was going to pout at him at least for having brought the whole thing up, but Blaine suits back in his normal mood quite quickly. He curses at the game, smokes a few cigarettes more and always finds a way to look at Sam and make him wonder, before he pushes it all away once more. When it's evident that they're not going to kill the giant, they eventually give up for a little.

They end up ordering pizza (which is what they do whenever Blaine's parents are not around) and watching TV as they eat. After dinner, Sam studies while Blaine desperately tries to fight the giant all by himself. Every now and then, Sam laughs at his failed attempts, but Blaine just looks annoyed in a fond way rather than a negative one. That is how most of the time goes by and it's about half past eleven when Blaine finally stands up from the spot he picked on the floor and turns the Playstation off.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" He asks and Sam looks up to him.

"That'd be cool." He says and when he yawns, he actually realizes that time has gone by faster than he thought. "I don't think I could walk straight to my place without falling asleep."

"Well, luckily, you have one piece of a hot bad boy as a friend, so you don't get to do that," Blaine winks as he stretches and Sam looks away for a moment. He always looks so good when he stretches, and today of all days, he really doesn't want to stare any more than he's already done in the afternoon.

He starts gathering his things to keep himself distracted, pushing books in his back while Blaine picks up his leather jacket from when he'd dropped it randomly on the couch hours earlier. They don't get to talk that much until they're out, walking along the little path out of Blaine's house that brings to the street, where Blaine's motorcycle is parked along the sidewalk, giving that little touch of uncontrollable rebellion to the whole neighborhood.

Sam finds it hilarious that Blaine is the one driving and that he has to hold to his body to keep himself still. Blaine is so smaller than him and it makes it comical. But somehow, there's also this charming strong personality that makes Blaine feel safe to him anyway. Dangerous, but still so safe.

They drive for quite a bit and Sam is hesitant to hold his arms around Blaine's torso with all that has happened today. Also, he can smell Blaine's scent from where his face is close to the other boy's neck. He also loves that though Blaine would never wear a helmet, he always makes sure he has one for Sam so that he can wear it. But that is probably just friendly affection. Who would want his best friend to risk getting hurt anyway?

When Blaine drops Sam in front of his place and Sam starts pulling the helmet off, the day is officially coming to an end. He hands it to Blaine and gathers himself to speak, his backpack kept close to his shoulders by his hands.

"So, tomorrow we're starting your experimental thing," he says, a little awkwardly and Blaine shrugs like he doesn't care. He looks almost believable. Almost.

"I do hope we get to experiment lots of things," Blaine winks and Sam can't help the way he flushes at the words. Maybe Blaine doesn't mean it in a subtle way, but it's hard for him not to consider that after their little gay sex conversation anyway.

"Yeah," he answers though, unable to stop it before it's out, "I hope so."

Blaine just gives him a sly grin and then he's speeding along the streets once more, to drive back to his own place. Sam watches him go until Blaine isn't in sight anymore and then he finally walks in.

That night, when he goes to sleep, he hardly manages to think of anything that isn't kissing Blaine's lips. And yet, if Blaine had something like experimenting on his mind, Sam is sure that it would have little to do with kissing. Blaine is not the kind of boy who just kisses. Therefore, he falls asleep to the hope that the day was just a big mess of misunderstanding. He's probably read too much into Blaine's spontaneous question, and then focuses on what he might show to his best friend to prove to him that he's worth a future at least.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hello! I thought this was going to take less but I've been caught up with some projects. Anyway, the chapter is a little longer, so that you can forgive me for the wait. Things start shifting here and I'm planning on splitting the story in two parts (1-5 and 6-10) with a change in time and place setting at chapter 6. I kind of have so many ideas for this fic that I'm actually sorry for having planned it in 10 chapters only. I just can't stop loving the OP on the GKM for giving me such an inspiration!

Hope you enjoy! xoxo

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**Chapter 2**

The first day isn't as successful as Sam hoped it would be. They spend most of their day checking out colleges on the internet through official websites. They read most of the programs and curricula carefully and much to Sam's surprise, Blaine tries at least to keep from yawning and focuses on what they are exploring. This doesn't change that they can't seem to find a good option for him once the afternoon is over. Blaine just seems bored and maybe a little disappointed with the result of their research (of course he tries to hide it from Sam, but there's not a thing Sam can't read on his face by now; well, maybe there is, but that's not the case at all).

Therefore, when Sam is sitting on the stairs in the back of McKinley the next days, lazily going through his biology book, his moods aren't the best. In fact, he's a little anxious now. Although he knows that college isn't the only way to find one's place in the world, he feels like it's a huge missing option. If Blaine isn't interested in any college, then they'll have to find new ways of figuring how to work it out.

Maybe he is supposed to start thinking about _job_ opportunities. He had jobs in the past, mostly because he wanted to help his family going through hard times, but finding a job for Blaine … that is completely different. It's not only because Blaine is a total badass and he is probably going to say something incredibly inappropriate in front of his potential employer, but he isn't even sure what Blaine _can actually do_. He can sing, play videogames and instruments … mostly, Sam knows about his hobbies, not about his skills. It's something they've never discussed.

He should probably ask Blaine to give him some directions at least, but the point is, if Blaine himself has no idea what to do with his future, how can he be helpful to Sam?

Of course, he's supposed to be the one to help him while he has no idea what to do, but it's not that easy in the facts.

The thud produced by the boy sitting next clumsily next to him all of a sudden makes him startle and turn abruptly, his eyes widening comically as he notices Blaine. He doesn't look worried at all, or at least, he's good at hiding it. He's sitting there, looking at him awkwardly and smoking his usual cigarette.

When too many minutes go by without him saying a word, Sam can't help it anymore. He flushes a little at the way Blaine is staring, but then coughs and manages to ask, "What?"

"What what?" Blaine asks cockily, a little smirk flashing his face.

Sometimes it's so hard not to be frustrated by him. Sam is sure that anyone else in his shoes would be annoyed. But he's fallen for Blaine and everything feels always too fond to be mean or just arrogant; which is why he can't bring himself to mind. Having Blaine's affection is probably all he can take from him.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" He asks.

Blaine goes silent for a long moment. He just sucks on his cigarette and lets smooth rings of smoke curl in the air. His gaze is intense, probably much more than Sam can actually stand, but he doesn't manage to look away no matter what.

Eventually, Blaine shrugs and goes back to his nonchalant pose, lying on the stairs and looking up to the sky. "Why that?" He asks, "Is there a particular reason why you think I can't come and sit with my best friend without wanting something from him?"

Now that Blaine's eyes aren't staring at him anymore, Sam manages to look away too. His gaze gets lost somewhere around the courtyard, but he isn't actually _watching_. More than anything, he is thinking. He is considering if he should read into Blaine's behavior, the awkward things he's doing lately. Maybe he shouldn't. Blaine can be such a lunatic.

"College isn't the solution apparently," the bad boy breaks the silence, but Sam is still looking around, a little lost, "Your idea sucks. We're not going to find anything for me, I told you so. I'm just too cool for everything."

Sam shakes his head and a little smile forms on his mouth, because of course Blaine would say that nothing's good enough for him instead of admitting that it feels like quite the opposite. Which is terrible though. The fact that Blaine thinks he isn't good enough to seriously consider some interesting options for his future. He is so smart, probably the smartest guy Sam has ever met. Why can't he just see it? It's so evident to him.

"Look, college isn't the only thing one can do with his life, dude." He shrugs, but he's pretty sure he has already told Blaine so many times. "I honestly went there first because I knew it's probably the project that suits you the last."

"Not smart enough?" Blaine asks teasingly and Sam turns to him, tilting an eyebrow.

"Not patient enough." He explains. "And then, I'm not sure what you'd turn your dorm room into in a few days. You'd probably just waste it all on college parties because you think you're too smart to study all day."

"I am," Blaine confirms, crossing his arms behind his head and looking at Sam curiously. "So what are we going to do now? College is a no for me, I'm not going to waste any more of my time going through websites and checking on taxes. I couldn't afford it by the way, and you know my parents think I'm no good."

"They don't." Sam tries to complain, but his words are too unsure to sound believable.

"They do, but it's okay." Blaine smirks and takes one last drag before the throws the cigarette to the ground. "I know they have reasons. Besides, Coop's not too good either."

"Right, Cooper," Sam nods for a moment, tightening his eyelids, "You've never considered acting?"

"No," Blaine shakes his head and looks up at the sky again, "But it wouldn't fit me. It's boring and I'm not interested."

"It's not boring," Sam looks away too, finding another empty spot to stare at again, "Nothing is amusing for you. You just think everything is boring."

"How many times do I need to tell you that I'm too cool?" Blaine laughs, low and relaxed. "And there is a thing I don't find boring, but you didn't want to talk about it, so."

"What is that?" Sam asks, yawning and stretching his long legs along the stairs.

For a few moments, there's just the wind howling around them. It makes Sam shiver as he waits for an answer. When he is about to get lost in the desolation, the bell rings and it reminds him that they're still at school and he has lessons to attend. But then Blaine is speaking again.

"I think gay sex is interesting, but you don't seem to share my opinion, so why bother?" He says, once more as if it the most natural thing ever.

Sam's whole body stiffens at the words and he finds himself blushing awkwardly. He can't even _believe_ Blaine has mentioned the topic again. He shakes his head and looks anywhere but in Blaine's direction.

"I have to go, class and stuff." He murmurs, but Blaine just laughs coolly.

"See? I told you so!" He jokes but Sam isn't sure about how comfortable he feels with joking about this.

Instead, he whispers a quiet "see you later", and he is already walking in again, stalking along the hallways to get as far as possible from Blaine as he can. He has no idea why his best friend suddenly thinks this is an appropriate topic to share but he isn't ready to face it. As much as he thinks Blaine knows perfectly that he has feelings for him, Sam can't help but wish that this is not just a game.

Blaine loves him as a friend, he cares about him, so there is no way that he would actually do this just to make him uncomfortable. In fact, Sam is sure that Blaine barely realizes that there _is_ something to be uncomfortable with that.

Therefore, he tries to push any thought of Blaine and he being in that determined situation away, firstly because it's dangerous for his sanity to even let himself imagine when they have realistically faced the subject; secondly, he has got a lesson now and those aren't the appropriate kind of thoughts to have on one's mind during a lesson. If he really must be distracted from something, he wants it to be Blaine's future. That is his real aim: to find something that can get his best friend's interest so that he would consider it at least before he judges it.

He won't let Blaine's allusions get under his skin too much.

/

"Hey, what is it with you today?" Blaine follows his through the parking lot and Sam frowns, stopping by and turning to look at him.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, his eyebrows lifted curiously.

"You've been avoiding me all day." Blaine shrugs and puts his hands in the pockets of his dark skinny jeans. "We haven't met since the break and what do I do around without my blushing little friend?" He throws a playful punch to Sam's chest and Sam laughs a little, though there's still some tension between them.

It's not a negative tension, not completely, but it's still different from usual. Sam isn't even sure if he likes it or not. He hates that it makes their friendship awkward sometimes, but at the same time, there's a hidden part of him which is happy to experiment something more than affection with Blaine, even if they probably mean it in different ways.

"I wasn't avoiding you to be honest," Sam says, not too lightly, "I just had a busy morning and Brett wanted me to help him with his math test, so. Sorry about that. I swear it wasn't voluntarily."

And _it wasn't_.

It's not like Sam could ever avoid Blaine even if he tried, but at the same time, he also knows that he didn't try too hard to get in touch with him. It's just that he is trying to get used to Blaine talking about sex. They're friends, so maybe it's something that is supposed to happen with no worries at all. He should just try and not think about it too much.

"If you say so." Blaine wrinkles his lips, but he looks more playful than annoyed. "But I was thinking of something for this afternoon …"

There shouldn't be anything implied in what he says, and maybe there isn't. It's probably just the way his eyes move down to look at Sam's lips as he says so that makes it completely awkward. But Sam is aware that he has a huge mouth, so maybe it's just that, isn't it? A lot of people at school stare at it, and maybe it's the same reason why Blaine did so two days ago and is doing so now. It's not like there must to be something more than that.

"Yeah, like what?" Sam asks and his voice is so quiet that it makes him realize just how close Blaine is.

Sam doesn't find the courage in himself to look down and check, but he's pretty sure that Blaine is leaning on his toes to be so close to his face. It's suddenly leaving Sam a little breathless and a lot lost, but he pushes it away once more, especially when he catches himself staring back at Blaine's mouth. His glare moves up again and he looks into his eyes, swallowing and pretending that nothing happened.

Blaine doesn't say a word about it, but from the smirk on his face, Sam is sure that he noticed.

Also, Sam is starting to slowly think and accept that everytime it seems like Blaine is implying something, it's probably because he's actually doing so. It can't be all in his head, and he is pretty sure that Blaine and he have never been so intimately close in a public place, sharing the space with such closeness that it makes it hard for Sam to believe that nothing is going on. His awareness is limited though, because with Blaine, one can only try and understand.

Eventually, Blaine seems to pick up and answer and the words come out so close to Sam's face that he can feel Blaine's breath on his skin.

"Going through colleges is useless. As you said, I'm not patient enough." He nods smugly, "In fact, I would barely accept living according to such a fucking schedule, and I hate routine-"

"Pretty sure routine is a must at some point of your life, dude." Sam complains, but it seems like Blaine isn't willing to listen.

"So I thought – since you care so much about tutoring me about my future, because I really don't give a fuck – we could walk around the city and find new inspiration out of my place or your place for once," he lifts his eyebrows allusively and Sam has no idea why. It's not like they ever get dirty at their places (or anywhere else), so he can't understand what the innuendo is.

"Fine," He allows anyway, mostly because he is curious to find out what Blaine is planning on (and mostly because all that he wants right now is for Blaine to move back so that he can stop thinking about kissing him; it would only be hurtful and senseless), "but I hope this isn't just, you know, an attempt to find a distraction. My aim here is what's best for you."

Blaine finally moves a little back and downward, so Sam thinks he was actually on his toes.

"Okay, mom." He teases with his little bad boy smirk on, "I'm going to behave as much as I can so that you won't go all fucking rebuking on me."

"Now that's not the way one behaves," Sam frowns but Blaine just laughs, which makes it impossible for him to keep scolding him when the sound is so amazing. "Hmm, we should go …" He says, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at the way Blaine is making everything clench tightly inside his body.

It seems different from everything he's known, especially when Blaine sounds a little awkward too as he whispers, "Yeah, I think we should," quiet enough that Sam isn't sure he was meant to catch it.

They drive to Blaine's anyway, Sam feeling a lot more tensed at having to wrap his arms around Blaine's tiny torso this time. It's always felt so natural and caring, so he has no idea why he feels like Blaine's skin might burn him now. It's like everything is different between them and at the same time, it's always the same, like it can't break their bond anyway, which is reassuring at least.

They take a brief nap at Blaine's place, sitting on different couches and snorting lightly until Sam wakes up. He decides to wake Blaine up soon later (even though he doesn't miss the chance to be a little creepy and stare at him while he sleeps). Blaine curses lazily but eventually, he seems to wake up. That is awkward too, the fact that Blaine is giving up on a longer nap so easily. Maybe he is actually starting to care about this whole thing.

When they have both gathered their things (only necessary stuff like wallet and phones) and are walking down the street to reach for Blaine's motorcycle, Blaine finally clears his throat and speaks.

"What are the plans then?" He asks, stretching clumsily beside him.

"Why? You don't have any idea?" Sam looks at him curiously. "You're the one who suggested this."

"Hmm, right." Blaine says, sounding a little dummy. "How about we go to the mall? You know I fucking hate that cubbyhole, but it would be like seeing many job opportunities all at once."

Sam wrinkles his lips, impressed, wandering if he should consider why all of a sudden Blaine is taking this so seriously. In fact, he even feels a little guilty, because he is the one who planned this and Blaine came out with an idea. He should probably try and think harder.

"Okay, fine." He shrugs, sliding his hands clumsily into his pockets. "I guess it might be a start."

Blaine just nods and gestures to his motorbike and once more, they're riding along the streets, heading to the mall. Once more, Sam thinks the contact between them feels more electric than usual. It's not like he's suddenly stopped feeling safe around Blaine, it's just that now it's not that friendly anymore. He wonders if it has actually to do with Blaine or it's just some kind of awareness developing inside his head that makes it so hard to feel like he usually feels.

Most of the afternoon at the mall isn't as successful as it might have been. In fact, Sam just thinks Blaine wanted to waste some time at the end of it. They basically just walk around senselessly and sit on benches along the big hallways. They only stop longer in front of a musical shop. Although Blaine tries to hide it and to pretend there's nothing interesting in front of him, it's pretty evident that he is charmed from all the musical instruments.

For a moment, Sam wants to speak, wants to ask Blaine why he is so scared to throw himself into something he evidently loves much enough to be incapable of hiding it. It wouldn't be the first time that Blaine tries to deny his passion for music and Sam has no idea why. It's not like it would ruin his reputation if he was a rocker or something. It would probably just make him cooler (though Sam doesn't really want to think about how cool Blaine is right now, that doesn't help him feeling more okay with their closeness). Eventually, they walk out of the mall defeated and stalk to Blaine's motorcycle once more.

Sam fights to convince him to try for something else, but there's something sad in Blaine's looks though he tries to hide it under his smug expression, so finally he gives up. It takes a long to drive from the mall to Blaine's place, but Sam doesn't ask Blaine to drive him home. His crush might be ridiculous but he always tries to spend as much time as he can with Blaine – _crush_ is what he calls it, but he's sure it's not just it anymore.

When they get there, the sun is already down completely. The sky is dark and Blaine parks a little roughly along the sidewalk. It's not like he is going to move the damn motorcycle away if Sam tells him to, so he doesn't. They walk through the huge garden – the big place always reminding Sam of just how rich the Andersons are – but when Sam is about to step on the three stairs to the door, Blaine grabs readily the sleeve of his jacket, tugging it to get Sam's attention.

When Sam turns to him once more, Blaine seems to be himself again: he looks smug and confident, every weakness hidden amazingly once more. "Let's go by the pool." He suggests and Sam shrugs.

It's not like they've never spent their time like that, just lazily laid by the pool. In fact, it's one of the things Sam loves the most about Blaine's place.

They walk more comfortably again, Blaine bumping his shoulder against Sam's – not that he can reach it properly but still – and them laughing together as they do all the time. When they get there, Sam enjoys the view for a moment.

There are trees out of the lines of Blaine's estate and the water looks just a little threatening while shining in only dim lights coming from the streets. It's just a flat dark will except from those little diamonds and Sam wouldn't throw himself into it. The beach chairs are by the pool, which is a sign of summer coming. Usually, the Andersons keep them locket away in their basement during the year. Sam wonders if Blaine and he are going to spend the summer here. He would probably blush if Blaine saw him in just sweatpants.

"You're thinking very intensely," Blaine's voice makes him startle as he turns to him and smiles nervously.

"It's just … a little creepy, you know, the darkness," He tries to sound convincing and once more, he feels like Blaine doesn't believe him at all.

"I'm going inside for a moment," He is smirking hugely, like something's on his head, "Just lay down, baby." He winks and turns to walk to the house once more.

Only when he's walked his steps inside the house, Sam is suddenly hit from the awareness of what Blaine has just said.

He's called him _baby._

His cheeks immediately flush at the thought of it, red patches spreading all over his face and then running down his neck as the back of it suddenly feels hot and sweated. He presses his own huge lips together, feeling like he's suddenly on fire at the embarrassment. There have never been such nicknames between them, and the term _baby_ sounded way dirtier than sweet coming from Blaine's mouth. His legs start to shake and that's the reason why Sam immediately sits on a beach chair and coughs to himself, trying with all that he has got to push the feeling away.

He knows this is stupid, knows it's childish of him to act like it's an infatuation when it is actually feelings he has for Blaine. He should act more maturely and face them in a more rational way, and yet he can't help but feel silly about it. Sweating, blushing, shaking is so not his thing, but this is _Blaine_, Blaine whom somehow Sam has always wanted and who lately has decided to play with it in such a way.

He tries as much as he can to just relax on the chair, to think of something else and not the way Blaine has whispered the nickname so easily as if it was normal for him to call Sam _baby_. For a few moments, at least he manages to give his own breathing some regularity. He tells himself that it's going to be okay, that Blaine just wants to mess a little with his head because he probably thinks it's funny. It's not even going to last long: as soon as Blaine realizes that it's not as amusing as he thought, he'll go back to screwing girls in the restroom of their school.

It's so easy to let himself be lost in this thought, even if it aches; so easy to allow it to get under his skin. Sam wants it so much too last, but the truth is that all of these thoughts get smashed and destroyed when the silence around him is filled with the sound of delicate chords being strummed away on.

He swallows thickly and turns his head just slightly, and then he finally sees him.

Blaine is walking to him, not even stumbling across the lawn as he plays the guitar casually and easily. Sam's heart starts immediately racing in his chest because _this_ of all moments is the time when Blaine has apparently decided to show this side, to open up to him about this. Of all moments, Blaine has chosen this one, after he's just called him _baby._

By the smug expression on Blaine's face, it looks like he knows exactly what he is doing and how much it affects Sam. Sometimes Sam would just punch his best friend in the guts if he didn't love him so freaking much more than friendship should allow him to.

"You like it?" Blaine asks allusively and Sam stiffens up on the chair as he gets closer.

"I do," he swallows and shakes his head, the music making the space around him less creepy than before, "I just … I didn't know you could play so well?"

Blaine's smirks widens and he moves in to throw a leg around the beach chair, sitting behind Sam with his legs spread, easily sinking in the tight space with his tiny but well-built body. His eyes never leave Sam's which makes him flush even darker.

"I try." Blaine winks which makes Sam realize he's actually quite aware of how good he is. Or at least, so it seems. "Come here." He murmurs, his fingers still easily sliding on the chords as Sam sits still and doesn't consider moving for several seconds. "C'mon, I won't bite. Unless you want me to."

When Blaine shoots him another wink, Sam's chest tightens painfully. He doesn't want to be mocked like this, doesn't even want Blaine to take advantage of his evident love for him this way. And yet, when his eyes get lost into Blaine's a little longer, he's already scooting back to follow the order.

He arches his back and his head comes to rest on the border of Blaine's guitar, his body still a little unbalanced so that Blaine's hands still have the space to play under his back. Sam is now looking at Blaine upside down now and he can't believe he even looks more handsome like this. God, he's so whipped.

Blaine keeps on playing and his eyes wonder all over Sam's features almost hungrily, turning darker as minutes go by. Sam just swallows and blinks, has no idea what to do. There's a part of him who wants to stand up and walk away, as far as he can from screwing everything he has with his best friend; but there's a more egoistic parts of him who _just wants_, who has wanted for long and that is now willing to take everything he can get. This is the most stupid part and yet he can't shut it up completely.

"Is it less creepy now?" Blaine asks, the angles of his mouth titling cockily. "Is it more comfortable?"

"It is." Sam spills out, almost scared that his breath will end over Blaine's face. "I mean, it's not. It's less creepy but I wouldn't say is comfortable."

"Why?" Blaine whispers, so low and warm that everything just feels so amazingly intimate. "Why do I make you so uncomfortable?"

"You don't make me-" He doesn't even manage to end the sentence because he knows it's true, knows Blaine is making him _so_ uncomfortable lately. "I just don't know what to do with you anymore." He tries to tease as he sighs, hoping things will turn a funnier and lighter way instead of seeming so serious and personal, "You're unbearable."

The whisper is so soft and just measured though that it makes it impossible for Sam to feel lighter about the situation. In fact, Blaine's face hovering there is too much to bear. He doesn't want to feel like this, doesn't want to have all these feelings for a boy who is never going to reciprocate. But he can't help the way his breath gets cut as Blaine stops playing the guitar and there's just the faraway whisper of the breeze around them.

Sam tries not to stare at Blaine's mouth, but once more he fails. It's probably because his eyes are almost at the same height as Blaine's lips. It's impossible not to look there from this position. It's just that.

"Sometimes I wonder," Blaine whispers easily and his breath ghosts over Sam's skin this time, "I wonder how it feels to kiss a boy."

Sam sucks a long breath and his eyes go wide as he stares now into Blaine's.

"It feels like just kissing I guess," he swallows very thickly, licking his lower lip in nervousness. Blaine's eyes immediately follow the movement of his tongue, almost chasing after it once Sam moves it back into his mouth.

"You guess?" Blaine arches his eyebrows and chuckles like he doesn't understand.

"Oh, yeah," Sam explains quickly, "I've only just kissed Kurt and it was spin the bottle, so I'm not sure it counts as a real kiss." He whispers, regretting that he's never told these things to Blaine. If he knew he was going to find himself in this situation, he would have told him when he was more comfortable and not just inches away from his best friend's face.

"So you're gay," Blaine teases, his smirk becoming almost irritating, "but you can't tell me how it is to even kiss a boy."

Sam doesn't say anything.

He just looks at Blaine's face and tries to find an answer that could make him come out of this with some dignity. He's not sure this possibility even exists.

"I'm curious," Blaine is murmuring once more, his face suddenly even more interested than it had been before if possible, "I've never even imagined kissing a boy before."

Something inside Sam screams _You have_ and it's probably because of the way Blaine has been staring at his mouth lately. And yet, Sam isn't sure enough to drag the words out. Everything just seems like an enormous confusion to him and he doesn't want to risk saying something that it's not true just to defend himself – maybe he just doesn't want to find out that Blaine has never actually thought about kissing him before; he'd rather pretend he's done so.

"Well, imagine then," He replies clumsily and a lot more childishly than he meant to.

Blaine doesn't even seem hurt at the words and Sam realizes that it's probably because he's got a lot worse from the skanks in the past. He should work on a better way to get him upset when he wants to, because this one clearly isn't working.

"I am imagining." Blaine prompts nonchalantly and he's just bending his back a little before Sam speaks again, stopping him in the motion as he realizes that Blaine seems to have made up his mind about what he wants and when he wants it.

"Well, how is it?" He prompts to distract, unable to stop from swallowing at everything, his foot tapping nervously at the side of the beach chair. He can't stop staring at Blaine's face anyway though. It's too close and beautiful, and he's never seen it like this before. "I think we almost have the same experience in kissing guys."

Blaine is smirking again, almost as if he's aware of the game Sam is playing right now. He probably doesn't want him to, but is still amused enough not to fight it this soon.

"Too bad." He tilts his eyebrow cockily. "It means we both need some practice."

Sam can't even stop his eyes from going wide as he stares at Blaine's face moving in. He blinks heavily, once, then twice, and when he opens his eyes fully once more, Blaine is closer, his face upside down and Sam's heart beating so fast that it's starting to get dangerous. Is this is how it feels to love someone? Is this is how Sam is supposed to be sure of just being in love and stop occasionally hiding it to himself?

"And why not taking advantage of our needs together?" Blaine's voice comes out lower than Sam has ever heard it, at least while talking to him. "It's only for the best," he murmurs ironically and although something about his sarcasm makes Sam extremely mad at him, all that he does is to suck in a breath and let his eyes fall half-shut, his whole body already surrendering at what's coming.

He knows this isn't the way he wants it to happen, knows this can't be how Blaine and he will get their first kiss but he doesn't manage to move. He's frozen, stuck in between Blaine's spread legs and with is face a few inches away from the boy's. The upside down position kind of reminds him of Spider-Man and if Blaine isn't too lost, he'll probably get that reference too. Considering how little this must mean to him, Sam is sure that Blaine is right about to make some joke about the movie.

It would be totally like him to act cocky when Sam feels partly as if he's getting what he's always wanted and partly like everything is about to break.

Blaine is leaning in almost in slow motion and everything inside Sam's stomach is clenching like a storm of butterflies is suddenly invading his whole body. He is so lost and wants to have some dignity, wants to fight Blaine and tell him that he doesn't get to have this as if it were just a game. It is surely not a game for Sam, so it can't be for him either.

And yet, he has wanted this for so many weeks now that he's slowly starting to convince himself that it wouldn't be too much if he just let Blaine in once. One peck on his lips and tomorrow everything will back to the way it was. He is slowly even shutting up the voice in his head that says that Blaine will hardly be satisfied with a chaste kiss, or the one that tells him that he should wonder about Blaine's sudden interest in him – the jokes, the innuendos, the advances, etc.

He has almost given in completely, his eyes getting slowly shut when he catches it.

It's something in Blaine's eyes, something around his pupils that shines dimly in his irises even in the almost complete darkness of the night. Sam is incredibly thankful to streetlights because otherwise he would have missed it and probably committed an enormous mistake. Right now, he can clearly see this little thing. He isn't sure of what it is that Blaine is trying to lock inside and hide behind his eyes, but Sam is conscious enough to be willing to find out. He immediately knows that he won't find out easily if he lets this kiss happen.

So instead of sitting passively and waiting for his material dream to come true, he coughs falsely, one hand quick to cover his mouth as he tilts his head up.

Blaine manages to move back just in time before their heads collide dangerously and Sam is sitting up on the beach chair, staying there and just breathing in deeply before turning too Blaine.

"What was that, dude?" He blinks in his direction and although Blaine tries to look indifferent, some of that magic in his eyes is still there, apparently unwilling to just disappear.

"What was what?" Blaine asks innocently, but his voice isn't as steady as usual and Sam thinks he might enjoy this insecurity for a moment. When is he ever going to get this chance again? Having Blaine so hesitant and unsure that he doesn't even manage to try and make his words convincing.

"Since when have you been so curious about being with a guy?" He asks vainly, trying not to mention the kiss itself because he wants to try and get as much as he can from Blaine tonight, wants just a little honesty. "All of a sudden you're all into these questions and curiosities, and I have no idea where this is coming from."

For a moment, he experiments something new.

Blaine seems to have some vulnerability. He chews his lower lip and wrinkles his forehead like he actually has no idea what to reply to that, like he hasn't considered that Sam might have moved away, so he didn't make up a good excuse just in case. And then, why would Blaine even need to make up excuses? It would be so normal of him to just say he was curious and that'd be enough.

But he doesn't say it.

It would be the most usual thing and maybe it would even wash off the tension, but Blaine doesn't speak it out loud as Sam thought he could. In fact, he breathes out tensely and then grunts a quiet 'fuck it' before sliding his hand in his pocket. Sam doesn't really need to look to know that he's pulling out his pack of cigarettes. This time though, Sam isn't going to wait until he's smoked as much as he needs. He needs some answers now.

"Dude, I'm serious." He pushes then, ignoring the glare Blaine throws at it. It's awful, but less intense than usually, as if he is a little lost. "I don't care about how funny it must be to you, these are _first times_ for me." He shakes his head, pushing his disappointment away so that he can stay rational. "I'm not saying that I want it to be romantic or anything – you know me, that's not who I am – but at least I'd want it to be with someone who actually cares and doesn't think it's just a funny game."

Something in his last words must hit Blaine more because his eyes widen and he stiffens up, pulling the cigarette away from his mouth and exhaling a long stream of smoke before he murmurs, "Like who?"

"I don't know," Sam shrugs instinctively, not giving himself the time to wonder about the reaction, "but whatever is the reason why you think it is actually funny for me to be your guinea pig, you're doing it wrong. This isn't something you do to your best friend. I thought you cared about me and the way I am involved in this."

There's a slight moment when Sam thinks he might have said too much, fears that Blaine will read easily through his words and realize everything that has been going through Sam during the last weeks. When Blaine doesn't seem too surprised though, Sam guesses he didn't get it.

"I didn't say anything about that though," Blaine sucks in from his cigarette before he's spitting out again, "You're overreacting. I just said we should help each other out. Aren't you curious to experiment-"

"No." Sam rolls his eyes. "Dude, I'm not curious to experiment because I don't need it, I already know for sure who I am. This is completely useless to me; the only one who would win here would be you." He says frankly and Blaine looks like he's about to complain, but then only wraps his lips around his cigarette, so Sam continues. "I love you. I do," He says in the friendliest way possible, "but I don't understand what's going on with you these days."

Blaine's expression goes completely blank at the observation.

In fact, he looks like he is lost and Sam would pay everything he has to know what is going on in his head – even if his family is not in the best economical situation ever. There's a conflict of emotions on his best friend's face and for a moment, Sam is afraid he's passed some limits, that Blaine is going to shut him out. Blaine does that all the time when he feels like someone he's trying too hard to read into him.

Sam doesn't want to be shut out now, not only because he feels like he's close to something – still hasn't forgotten that mysterious shade in Blaine's eyes when he was about to kiss him – but also because he reminds himself that this is a very delicate moment for his best friend and he's supposed to help him out with his future.

But all of his fears turn into reality when Blaine throws the cigarette on the grass and steps on it with his foot, looking suddenly awake from his thoughts. Sam knows that face too well, knows what's coming, but still he has no preparation for it anyway, not emotionally speaking at least.

"I think you should leave." He says coldly, looking away from Sam, at some lost spot around the garden. "It's late and we have school tomorrow so."

"It's Friday." Sam says stupidly and instinctively, before he can stop.

Of course Blaine knows what day it is tomorrow. It's just the first excuse he managed to pull out of his mouth.

"Then I have some fucking thing to do tomorrow morning and I think you should go." Blaine says once more, looking up to meet Sam's gaze. He knows Blaine is probably just upset about being pushed away but what could Sam do? He saw something in Blaine's eyes and if that something actually exists, he doesn't want Blaine to kiss him like that for the first time. He wants this to be clearer.

"I think we should talk instead," He tries to insist but Blaine's glare is turning into cold ice, "I don't get-"

"There's nothing to get here. Go. Away." Blaine practically growls, his hazel eyes turning darker and more threatening and making Sam stiffen up.

This is the moment when it finally hits him.

Maybe he was wrong. Blaine doesn't _want him_ to stay. He doesn't want him to sit there and talk to him about what was about to happen and that's probably just because he doesn't care. He might care about Sam as a friend, but he will never care as more. No matter how much Sam tries to convince himself and builds up illusions: there's not a chance that Blaine might love him the way Sam loves him instead.

The awareness suddenly makes something clench uncomfortably inside his chest and Sam feels like he can't breathe for a long interminable moment. Even though he hates the rage inside them, Sam can't stop staring into Blaine's eyes but that is probably because he doesn't even manage to move, every single muscle of his body frozen with fear.

It takes him a whole long minute before he manages to speak again, but all that comes out is a murmured "Blaine," which is not enough, _can't_ be enough to convince Blaine to let him stay.

In fact, his eyes aren't even a little softer; he just stares at Sam as if his glare could set him on fire and make him burn away. But Sam still doesn't move, can't move and mostly doesn't want to move from where he is sitting. So he thinks about a compromise, thinks about away that can allow him to spend the last weeks until graduation with his best friend.

"We can …" He hesitates for a long moment, looking at Blaine as Blaine sends daggers through his eyes in his direction, "We can forget that happened. That's okay."

It hurts to say it. He doesn't want to forget, doesn't want to give up on the part when he was sure something was shifting within Blaine; but it's not like he has an actual choice, is it? He has to choose between risking losing his best friend and being okay with him as they always are. He can't lose Blaine that way. He can stand Blaine not feeling the same way Sam feels about him, but he wouldn't survive losing his best friend definitively.

Blaine seems to soften a little at the words and Sam knows why. He cares about their friendship too and it would probably hurt him as much as it would hurt Sam to lose it. He chews his lower lip and Sam tries hard not to stare as he does so. The cocky attitude gets washed off for a moment as he hesitantly ponders, but it's up once more when he looks to Sam and says directly, "Fine. That's just because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me, not because there's actually something to forget. Got it?"

He tries to make his voice sound threatening but they both know he hardly manages to do so when it comes to function as a proper human being rather that a gigantic pain in the ass. Sam laughs, though the sound comes out nervous and tensed. It's better than nothing.

"What's so funny?" Blaine stiffens on the defensive. "It's for your fucking good sake, you should be thankful."

"I am." Sam stands there, crossing his arms to his chest and grinning like an idiot. "Really thankful."

As much as he's not true in the moment he says it, it turns into reality later when they spend the night doing what they do all the time and eventually considering some options for Blaine after graduation. Just being in Blaine's room, laughing with him and feeling like they're still friends makes him extremely thankful. At the same time though, there is that little voice in his head that tells him that if Blaine agreed to forget about what they were doing, it means that he actually thinks there is something to forget about (no matter what he says).

And a simple kiss wouldn't really be something too important for him to make him want to forget about it.

As appealing as it seems, Sam pushes it away and tries to enjoy the fact that he still has a best friend, tries not to wonder if things are going to shift once more or if he has lost a chance to change the status of their relationship only because he was too afraid to take a risk.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Hello everybody! Here's the update!

Forgive me if sometimes I take a little longer, but you know, real life and many fics are not a good combo. By the way, I think I'm going to go with the idea that I mentioned last time, which is dividing the story into two arcs. The second arc will begin at chapter 6, but you can ignore this, it's just because there's a change in time and place setting. Thank you so much if you're reading the story, it's so so kind of you to waste your time on my silly fics! Lemme know what you think – xoxo

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The following days aren't any better for what concerns Blaine's after-graduation programs and it's not Sam's fault if he feels a little defeated after all. It's not because they haven't found anything yet: when he started this, he already knew it was going to take long, knew that Blaine wouldn't have made up his mind on something too easily. What is pissing him off is that Blaine is always in a mood, he shifts from interested to annoyed in the blink of an eye and his behaviors are driving Sam crazy. It's like he can't read his best friend's mind anymore these days.

On the other hand, he's happy that not too much changed between the since them missing kiss. If he has to be honest, he wasn't expecting this. He thought Blaine was going to act differently even on that, but he doesn't. This is relieving to say at least, but now that normality has soothed the nerves, Sam is wondering.

Blaine is acting this way because he doesn't want to waste the last weeks before graduation without his best friend or acting awkwardly towards him, but this leads Sam to a brand new bunch of thoughts. When high school will be over, he will move to Los Angeles, which is in California, miles away from Ohio. Blaine might not know if his plans include Ohio yet, but wherever he decides to go, they will part.

Forever.

All of a sudden, it's like there's a timebomb placed on Sam's head and he feels a stupid for not having realized earlier. Of course he considered that these were the last weeks together _in high school_, but he had never taken in that it could be their last weeks together for the rest of their lives. Blaine would have to be his long-distance best friend and considering how much Blaine puts into these things, it wouldn't last long.

This also means, on a more childish and egoistic note, that Sam's feelings will have to fade forever after graduation. He knows this isn't just a crush, knows he is _in love_ with Blaine and that makes him wonder: will he be able to forget? Will he be able to move on with his life knowing that for the sake of a friendship that was doomed to end anyway, he couldn't bring himself to give a try to it and make things different?

He doesn't even have the guts to look around as Blaine is playing his guitar around Sam's room. Blaine is more comfortable with playing in front of him now, more willing to show his interest in music without feeling like a failure or something. In fact, he seems comfortable with it and Sam is just letting him share this in the sacred space of his room. He was actually surprised when Blaine brought the guitar over, but still it's amazing to stay laid and enjoy.

The only thing that keeps him from relaxing completely is that thought on his mind. This sudden proximity with the deadline of their friendship makes it harder for him to look anywhere but at the ceiling. His gaze is focused there and his eyelids are feeling heavy. He has no idea what song Blaine is playing but it's slow and delicate, and Sam is starting to drift.

With any other person, he would feel uncomfortable at sharing the intimacy. Letting someone watch you as you sleep is one of the most private things one could share. It's a moment in which you are exposed and you can't hide. But this is Blaine, his best friend, his so-much-more-but-never-to-be-more at the same time.

Almost as if his best friend is reading his mind, he speaks through the fog of Sam's sleepy thoughts, "Do you ever think of how life is going to be after graduation?"

Sam sighs, closing his eyes and trying to push away the bitter sense of nostalgia that is washing over him already. He isn't going to show his emotionally-involved part to Blaine, not after that almost-kiss. He's maybe too afraid that it would compromise the situation.

"No, I don't." He lies, trying to make it sound as believable as possible. "I'm too busy with my plans and picking up something for you to wonder." He makes it sound like he is complaining, though he's not sure that is the way he feels.

"Really?" Blaine asks sarcastically, and thought he doesn't look, Sam knows he is sniggering. "Doesn't this include considering life after graduation? I'm sure you've thought about it in some way."

"No, I haven't." Sam insists, yawning and stretching on the bed. "I don't even know why you care so much."

For a few moments, silence falls over the room and the only thing filling it is Sam's breathing. He feels like the air around him is suddenly tense, though he has no idea why. He wants to ask, wants to know why the situation must always be this awkward around Blaine recently, but he can't bring himself too. In fact, he mostly thinks that if he lets it go, he would just avoid a painful conversation.

When speaks once more, Sam is actually relieved.

"Puckerman is throwing a party next week," He says, strumming on his guitar once more. Sam feels the bed shift underneath his weight, so he guesses Blaine just sat there. "Are you coming?"

Sam can't help but laugh at that. Not only he's never been a party kind of guy, but he is pretty sure that Puck doesn't like him at all. He's probably too shy for Puckzilla – or too gay – so they don't get along. In fact, Sam is pretty sure that if he walked to his door to join a party, Noah would tell him to get lost or something. Therefore, he really doesn't have to think about whether _he wants_ to come or not; he realizes that he probably just can't.

"I'm a geek, remember?" He asks like he's used to it. "Your friends think I'm not cool enough for them."

"My 'friends' who are not my friends." Blaine says as if Sam has offended him somehow. So he opens his green eyes and looks up to Blaine who is indeed sitting on the bed and still holding the guitar in his hands though he's not playing anymore. "You are my friend."

There's something in the way he says it or something in his eyes while Sam stares into them. Why is it like this? Why does it always look like Blaine wants to tell so many things more but he can't bring himself to?

Most of all, something in Blaine's eyes has shifted once more and it seems like he actually needs reassurance about this. So Sam gives it to him, because by now he's lost enough to give Blaine everything he needs.

"I am." He confirms then, tilting his mouth in a fond smile and ignoring the little usual ache in his chest – which becomes worse and worse everytime he remembers about graduation. "I am your friend."

Blaine smiles too and he looks pretty relieved at the words. "Screw them then. If you want to come to the party, I'll make sure you get in."

Sam feels safe and amazingly at the words, at knowing that by now Blaine cares enough to let him sneak in at one of his friends' parties, but still, he doesn't think it's a good idea. He isn't the party kind of guy and he would probably just act embarrassingly.

"Thanks, dude, but I don't think I'm joining you." He shrugs and closes his eyes once more, his arms under his head and on the pillow. When he feels the bed hop under his weight once more though, he opens them back.

Blaine is now spread on the bed, laid with his abdomen on the mattress and with his elbows resting in front of him – the guitar leant beside the bed and on the floor. He is staring at Sam with his big eyes and he is so close that Sam is sure they are almost sharing the same air as they breathe in. He has no idea how his best friend managed to get freed of the guitar so quickly. He can be such a smooth monkey sometimes.

"Please?" Blaine asks, his face shifting into a puppy one. "You know how these parties go, I'll end up fucking some girl in the bathroom and I don't really feel like doing that."

Sam doesn't know if Blaine doesn't feel like having sex in general or having sex with girls. It's stupid of him to assume but considering the last things Blaine has told him about sex, it makes some sense.

"We could go somewhere else," Sam suggests, pretending not to notice when Blaine scoots in closer until his arm is stroking the side of his torso, "We could have a movie night or something, or finally get over that iron giant."

"No," Blaine groans, his voice half-mewling and half-growling (something only Blaine-fucking-Anderson can do), "I want to go to the party with you."

"Your childish attitude is ruining your badass reputation," Sam smiles, unable to have any sort of control over the way his heart is beating faster, even more when Blaine leans a hand on his chest nonchalantly, starting to stroke him there as if was something he ordinary does.

Blaine looks a little lost too, which is relieving, but doesn't help Sam putting the pieces up together and giving a sense to this whole thing. Anyway, he's not really able to pull away from the touch or scold Blaine about it, so he's back to the mode in which he just takes everything that he can get.

"I don't need a badass reputation around you, baby, you see," He says easily, the nickname making Sam shift uncomfortably for a moment – but also making him a little dizzy like the first time, "I already have you wrapped around my finger." He smiles smugly and for a long moment, Sam's heart starts hammering in his chest.

Everything inside him feels like an earthquake and his emotions are uncontrollable. This is as if Blaine told him openly that he has always known about the way Sam feels. His voice has come out seductively and quietly, like he is aware of the intimacy of the position and the space around then, Sam's sacred room.

"You … you really don't have me wrapped around your finger," He tries to complain, his cheeks flushing ridiculously as he turns away from Blaine and stares at the empty wall of his room, "that's … I have no idea what would make you think that."

He can hear Blaine laugh quietly and he doesn't know if it makes him more comfortable or unstable. It's probably both. He swallows that knot that formed in his throat and blinks nervously, clearly avoiding his best friend's gaze. His chest inflates and deflates, and it's only when long interminable minutes have gone, Sam realizes that he's not going to get the eventual answer he was waiting for.

Therefore, he turns gradually until he gazes at Blaine once more.

He is moving in slowly, placing his hands on Sam's chest right when Sam is turning. Sam lets him do so. He wouldn't want it to happen, but at the same time, he isn't sure he knows how to stop it. His fingers are pressed closely on his tight Captain America t-shirt and Sam stiffens up but meets his gaze anyway.

Blaine's lips are tilt into a smile and though it is a little wicked, it's also a lot soft. It's like there is something more than curiosity into it, and yet Sam can't tell what it is and how far it can get.

They stay like this for longer than expected, looking at each other awkwardly and not daring to say a word. At least Sam doesn't dare to say a word. He has no idea why Blaine isn't speaking either. He wants him so badly to just say or do something that might break the tension, but at the same time he is starting to feel so good in this very moment – anxious but still good – that he is afraid of having this temporary joy taken away from him.

And then, in a moment, things shift.

Blaine is leaning in closer, lifting over and reaching for his face with his own. It's quick but at the same time, it seems like it's happening in slow motion. Sam breathes in and blinks, swallows hardly and maybe he is already giving up to the idea. Maybe he is right about to surrender to the idea that Blaine is about to kiss him. His best friend's eyes are slowly closing, long eyelashes moving down.

Sam breathes in one last time before he does the same, already giving up to it completely, but then there's a loud sound of steps along the hallway that head to his room and that's enough to make Blaine scoot back just in time before the door is open.

In that moment, the magic is broken and Blaine is staring frightened at Sam's little sister and brother on the door frame.

"Blaine!" Stacey squeaks happily and she's already running through the room to throw herself into Blaine's arms, while Stevie walks in more discretely.

At the moment, Sam is too busy feeling and thinking to acknowledge his little siblings' presence. He is swallowing hard (one of these days, Blaine will be the reason he'll run out of saliva) and looking at an empty spot in the room, cheeks flushed pink and heart racing in his chest. It's been a few seconds, but it already feels like it wasn't real at all. Sam already doubts it happened and he's already thinking it was all in his head.

Blaine though seems tense.

He is smiling and listening to Stacey vent about her school day, like she does all the time, but something on his face makes Sam feel like he is a little uncomfortable too. So maybe it was real, maybe Blaine was actually about to kiss him and, even worse than that, Sam was surely about to take it. Crap, where had all of his good intentions good gone? He thought he was so sure about not letting himself go to Blaine. He still hasn't forgotten the little dim in his eyes by the pool. It's probably all that talk about graduation and saying goodbye at school that has made him weak because otherwise he would be so aware of what Blaine is trying to do.

Blaine is such an opportunist, has bad plans and takes advantage of Sam's best doubts to put them into practice. He doesn't do it because he is mean or something. It's just the way he is, and even though his aim isn't to hurt Sam, that is something that's inevitably going to happen anyway. Sam is the steady one between them. He's the one who is supposed to say no.

But he didn't.

He didn't say no when Blaine tried to kiss him and how he is supposed to go through the rest of the night – or the school year for the matter – with this awareness bothering him?

He looks over at where Blaine is playing with Stacey and Stevie, and he doesn't even manage to enjoy the way his little siblings seem to emulate the bad boy in every single thing he does. It's cute and Sam likes watching them doing so, but now he's thinking: once high school will be over, the kids are going to have to say goodbye to Blaine too. They love him and he's not sure they're going to have the chance to see him again. Hell, Sam isn't sure he is going to see him again even.

When he looks up to Blaine, the boy is staring back at him. His glare is a little softer than usual and he looks at Sam as if he knows something is about to change too. That makes Sam wonder if he's supposed to embrace the change and let himself believe. Part of him wants to, but he also knows that when you hope too much, the disappointment is even more crushing.

Therefore, he tries to pretend he hasn't noticed and just looks at the wall in front of him while Blaine plays with the kids. He's kinder to them than he'll ever be to most people of their age, maybe including Sam. He lies back on the mattress and closes his eyes, trying hard not to think about what was happening before the kids crashed in.

But it's so hard not to do so.

He was so close to taste those lips that seem incredibly soft and fantastic, so close to let himself enjoy more of Blaine – because as much as it's possible that Blaine doesn't see any feelings between them, he couldn't deny that a kiss isn't just friendly, not when he is aware of how much Sam's heart is involved. Because he does know, Sam is sure by now.

He has no idea how long he spends there pondering – Blaine and his siblings' laughs filling the room – but he's shaken up only when his mom enters the room with a shy knock on the door. He lifts on his elbows and looks at her as she stands on the doorframe (he's also thankful that she wasn't the one interrupting before, because she's not as innocent as the kids, she would have understood something was happening).

"Hey Blaine." She smiles at the boy. "I don't mean to bother you, guys. I just wanted to ask if you were staying for dinner?"

Sam winces and he's already opening his mouth to complain - because Blaine has said several times that he doesn't feel too comfortable sitting at the table with the Evans' and eating as if he were part of the family – but Blaine cuts him before he manages to speak the words out loud.

"Yeah, I would love that." He says, beaming sweetly and making Sam's eyes go wide. "If it's not a problem?"

Sam's jaw almost drops and he's pretty sure he has never seen Blaine looking and acting so kind towards someone else. Well, he never used curse words or something in front of Sam's parents or siblings, but this kindness is just so out of his schemes. Sam's heart starts beating a little faster as he wonder if it's part of this shift between them, part of this something new. He doesn't know, he can't tell. He doesn't manage to understand it right now.

"Then kids, come down. Your exercise books are still on the table and it's almost dinner time." Mrs. Evans lifts her eyebrows, nodding towards the kids and Stevie and Stacey jump off of the bed in the blink of an eye. Stevie high-fives Blaine before he does, and then they're gone behind the door. "We'll wait for you downstairs."

When the door gets slammed, Sam hasn't any more opportunities of looking away and finds himself staring into Blaine's hazel eyes. So he tries to bring something up before the conversation shifts into something embarrassing and connected to the moment when they'd been interrupted before.

"What was that?" He asks but then realizes it might been too vain and miss-understandable, so he adds, "You being all kind and staying at dinner. Where's the bad boy attitude?"

For a moment, Blaine arches his triangular eyebrow and looks at him like he isn't sure what Sam is complaining about.

"Well, did you want me to tell your mom to fuck off or Stacey and Stevie to get lost so that I could fuck my tongue into your mouth?" He shrugs as if he hadn't said anything wrong. "I don't think they would appreciate the beauty of it."

Sam has no idea what game Blaine is playing, but he tries to fight the blush away.

"No, they wouldn't." He scoots back a little, subconsciously putting some distance between Blaine and him. "But there wouldn't be any reason for you to tell them something that isn't true, so."

He knows he is probably teasing too much, just like he knows that Blaine doesn't like being teased, but he couldn't keep the words. There's nothing he hates more than the part of him who constantly hopes Blaine will tell him that he cares somehow. But Blaine doesn't once more. He just looks at him with an irritating smile on his face.

Therefore, Sam falls back onto the mattress with his arms behind his head, a long sigh coming out of his mouth before he speaks again.

"I don't understand you anymore." He whispers quietly, almost to himself.

He thinks that Blaine hasn't caught it eventually because he doesn't reply for long. Sam is pretty sure that five or six minutes go by in total silence, not a word coming out of his best friend's mouth. But then, of course, Blaine speaks.

"I don't understand me either." He says, his voice sounding quite and low. Sam tilts his head and looks at him. "I just want to try it."

His words are vain but Sam knows what he is talking about of course. They've dealt with it before so he can't pretend he doesn't know, of course. He sighs once more and tries not to get too excited about Blaine wanting him; because Blaine doesn't want_ him_, Blaine wants to try how it feels with a boy. Sam is involved just because he is his friend and the easiest guy to reach without going out and fucking around.

And somehow Sam is suddenly thankful about that. As much as he doesn't like the idea of being Blaine's gay guinea pig eventually, he also can feel his stomach clenching uncomfortably at the thought of Blaine experimenting with other guys, guys who aren't him. What if he doesn't allow it then? What if Blaine gets tired of trying and just looks for it in someone else? What if some other boy gets Blaine before he does? And considering that these might be the last months they spend together, what if Blaine experiments it _after_ high school and Sam will never know?

All of this confusion in his head isn't doing any good to him.

"That's childish." He groans, although his voice doesn't come out as bitter as he'd want it to be. "It's just a whim."

"No, it's not." Blaine shrugs once more. "I can't know if I don't try it. Maybe it is, but why is it so hard for you to let me try?"

He sounds childishly whining but Sam has to bite his lower lip not to reply that Blaine knows too well why he can't. That's because there are feelings involved, but if they're not going anywhere with it, why can't Sam be Blaine's first at least? Of course, he is reluctant to the idea of letting it go so easily, of giving such an intimate piece of him to another person when it only means fun to this significant other, but at the same time, at least he'd be sure to have given it to someone he loves and cares for. Also, it would mean that he'd be the first boy Blaine has ever kissed. It's something that is going to link them forever.

"Okay, fine." He says, his voice shaking and his throat tightening as Blaine lifts his eyebrows in surprise like he didn't see it coming.

He chokes laugh and stays with his mouth open for a moment, before hopping on his knees when Sam doesn't add anything to that.

"Oh shit, you're serious." Blaine's grin gets huger. "Fuck, you're going to let me kiss you, woah."

Sam rolls his eyes, mostly because he wants to pretend he is indifferent, but how can he when his cheeks are clearly flushing and heating up at the mere thought of Blaine's lips on his own? He has to keep from smiling at Blaine's enthusiasm because of course, all of his interest is in the curiosity of kissing a boy. It has hardly to do with him, so he should stop acting like it does.

"Let's say it's my graduation gift," he says as smugly as he can but it comes out more doubtful than he intended to make it sound.

Blaine's smirk makes him realize that he isn't buying it and when he scoots in a little closer, Sam's already weak grin gets washed off and he just sucks a breath in anticipation of something which is probably going to be as burning and hurtful as he thought it would. The awareness of it and the closeness though don't push him to move away, so when Blaine is crawling to reach for him, Sam does nothing but wait. It's probably because he's never kissed another boy before either, not so intimately – in the safe walls of his room – or for something that wasn't a game.

His heart isn't helping; it's flipping on itself while Blaine reaches for him and leans his hands on Sam's wide chest to keep himself steady. Sam is pretty sure that Blaine can _feel_ his heart beat under his palms. His face is so much closer and Sam is sure that his own cheeks are flushed red. He can sense the heat on his face and his eyes getting a little wet mostly for the anxiety of it. His emotions are puzzled and conflicted, and looking into Blaine's big hazel eyes doesn't help him feeling better.

Blaine, on the other hand, seems to be completely at ease, and if his fingers are shaking a little on Sam's chest it's probably only from seeking the balance out of this position, his torso lifted over Sam's but his legs still glued to the mattress. Sam has a hard time just letting and go and not thinking about what is happening when Blaine pokes his tongue out and licks along his own lower lip, wetting his closed mouth for him. His chest lifts and his muscles relax as he inhales once more, eyes blinking frantically.

Every time he blinks, Blaine's face gets closer and closer, and somehow, Sam is already starting to regret it. At the same time though he can't stop, and when he actually considers the idea of tilting his head back and tell Blaine that he changed his mind, it's too late.

Blaine presses his lips on his gently and Sam's eyes instinctively go shut - like he isn't sure he can handle looking at Blaine while this is happening - before he gets a little lost into it. The touch feels like nothing Sam has tried before, it's like Blaine is casting some sort of spell on him through the contact - a further spell because he set one on him long ago. The pressure of Blaine's mouth on his own is minimal and a lot gentler than he would have imagined, which makes it easier for him to let go.

For some reasons, he had thought Blaine was just going to push his tongue into his mouth. It couldn't have been awful anyway, because Sam is head over heels for him, but he guessed it was going to be ruder. Instead, Blaine moves his mouth delicately on his own, opening and closing it to have Sam getting used to the kiss. Or at least Sam thinks so. He is almost panting already and his fingers tickle, his desire to wrap his arms around Blaine's shoulders running through his whole body and making hard for Sam to suppress it.

It's not like they have discussed the intimacy of the kiss, so he has no idea what he can or can't do. That would make it awkward, wouldn't it?

He barely has time to wonder anyway because Blaine is lifting more on his arms, his hands pressing just a little on Sam's strong chest as he breathes through his nose, over Sam's cheek, his breath feeling warm but amazing. Sam's heart hammers quicker and he has to focus hard not to moan (because it would totally be embarrassing, wouldn't it?). Instead, when he feels the wet little pressure of Blaine's tongue on his mouth, he hesitates for the briefest of moments before he opens up – slowly, but he does.

The moment when Blaine's tongue slips into his mouth and licks up softly to his palate, Sam can't keep it anymore – his control snapping when Blaine moves in closer and puts his hands at the sides of his head. His arms wrap around Blaine's shoulders and he tugs him closer, the movement probably making more room for Blaine to just do what he wants. And he does. His tongues moves more smoothly inside his mouth, the taste of it making Sam whimper just quietly as he tightens his arms around Blaine.

Blaine presses against his body, tilting his head on the side just slightly so that he gets a better angle. His taste is amazing, so much realer than Sam's fantasies. It's wonderful and warm, wet and addictive, and Sam doesn't even have the guts to open his eyes to look at Blaine while they kiss. The realization of kissing him hasn't even hit him yet, it suddenly looks like a dream, something that just can't be real and must only be in his head.

It feels like it but it doesn't _taste_ like it.

Actually, the way Blaine is kissing him and pushing his tongue a little more insistently in his mouth feels so freaking real. For being a straight guy, Blaine is kissing the hell out of him, being smooth and practiced, and it looks he's enjoying it. When he moves his mouth to suck on Sam's huge lower lip, Sam can't hold anymore the moan that comes out of his mouth, Blaine's body being pressed onto his own as he nuzzles at Sam's face in the movement.

Blaine's own body stiffens at the sound and Sam groans once more at the simple thought of him enjoying it. He lifts his back from when it's sprawled on the mattress and his hand ends up at the back of Blaine's neck. It's an instinct, he can't keep it and it even makes him blush a little while he tugs him closer and the pressure makes Blaine slide on his body, his hips ending up on Sam's while they're suddenly pressed together more intimately. This is so much more than Sam had been ready for in any way and he's actually starting to wonder if he's lost the control over it, because this feels a lot more like making out rather than just kissing.

When Blaine's tongue slips more fully into his mouth, maybe a little forcefully though Sam welcomes it anyway, his mom calling from downstairs gives to it the end Sam would have wanted to be capable of giving himself.

Blaine moves back quickly and awkwardly, as he's been suddenly hit by the realization of what was happening and mostly what they were both doing. He trails back and Sam is forced to move his arms away from him, left with nothing but resting them gracelessly at the sides of his body. He breathes in and out, his chest inflating and deflating at it and Blaine looks around the room for a few seconds.

When he doesn't say anything, Sam opens his mouth to ask for it, but his mom calls again and though he can't distinguish the words quite properly, he's sure that dinner is ready. Blaine jumps off of the bed quickly, and Sam knows for sure that it's because he's taking advantage of it to avoid the conversation.

Even from the distance between them in the room, Sam can see that his cheeks are flushed in a new wonderful way. It's not from embarrassment of course – as if Blaine even knew what the word means -, which makes him preoccupied that it might be excitement. Although it's evident, Sam lacks partly of the self-esteem to be sure of it, and Blaine is already fixing his clothes (from what, Sam has no idea) and nodding towards the door.

Sam wants so much to complain, to ask Blaine about how this was, but he really doesn't want his mom to walk upstairs and scold them, not when he's pretty sure that his mouth looks swollen and it would be pretty obvious that they had something going. So, instead, he tries to ignore the way Blaine's hazel eyes are darker than usual and he just stands up, walking with him downstairs. They're not touchy and friendly as always, but Sam isn't surprised. In fact, the little stab at his heart is soothed from the awareness that he _knew_ this was going to happen, knew that if they had a chance to a different kind of contact, it was going to end up screwing everything between them as friends.

Dinner is quite nice with the others if he has to be honest.

Blaine acts nicely to the whole family, even spoon-feeding Stevie and Stacey, and then talking kindly to his parents, even though Sam's dad looks at him like his leather clothes and ripped jeans smell like trouble. They do, a lot, though it's not the kind of trouble Sam will talk to his dad about (he's surely not going to mention how they ended up kissing in Sam's room). His mom seems particularly happy with having Blaine around and sometimes she would throw Sam a wink like_ she knows_, but Sam doesn't think she does. At least she doesn't know everything; that is for sure.

Watching Blaine being so careful and cheerful with his siblings makes Sam's heart ache a little throughout the dinner. He knows it's stupid to let himself imagine – especially because it doesn't matter how in love with Blaine he is, it's not reciprocated – but the picture is in his head before he knows. He can already imagine Blaine taking care of their kid, turning into an angel when being around him/her like he's doing right now with his little brother and sister. Sam sighs repeatedly during this dinner and then helps his mom cleaning the dishes while Blaine is left to talk to his dad and Stevie and Stacey are laughing on the couch, watching cartoons before they have to go to sleep.

When his mom leans in just a little to murmur "He's so cute," to him while Sam is drying the washed plate she handed to him, Sam is so glad that the sink is quite far from the table and that Blaine can't possibly hear them.

He looks a little awfully at his mom – as awfully as he can, "What?" He asks although he hasn't misread it, especially when his mom has worn heart-eyes all night.

"Blainey," She wrinkles her nose happily, "He's such a cutie. Haven't you ever thought about it?" She winks once more and Sam rolls his eyes, focusing on drying the plate in his hands.

"Not really." He lies, though from his mom's giggle he's sure he is blushing. "And he's straight, so it doesn't matter anyway."

His mom's laugh dies in throat and comes out as a choke. For a moment, they stay in silence just doing the dishes and Sam feels tensed at the uncomfortable situation. He can't wash the blush off of his face because apparently, his mom has suddenly decided that talking about Blaine and boys in general is an appropriate thing for them. Sam doesn't think so. In fact, the reason why he feels so comfortable with his sexuality in his place is that they hardly talk about sentimental stuff or crushes – not to mention _love_, because that's what Sam feels towards Blaine. When his mom speaks again, Sam is surprised at the fact that she apparently hasn't given up on it yet.

"But have you asked him?" Her voice sounds hopeful. "Or do you just think he is?"

Sam grits his teeth and tries not to act rudely. He knows it's not his mom's fault if all Blaine can think of when it comes to sexuality is about experimenting and using his best gay to do so. The fact that they have been tensed since they came downstairs doesn't help him feeling calmer about it but he makes an effort and puts up a smile, looking into his mom's eyes.

"He told me many times and he's dated many girls." Sam murmurs, shrugging at himself for having used the term_ dated_. He knows it isn't the best description. Blaine usually fucks around and barely remembers the names of the girls in the morning.

His mom's face drops a little and she pouts adorably. Sam can't do anything but smile because, honestly, he himself hopes things would be different. But this is the way it is and there's hardly something they can do to change it.

"Oh okay …" His mom drops the conversation for a moment before she finally adds, "But in case things get different," she pouts at him, "hold on to that one. He likes playing the bad boy, but he's such a softie inside."

She nods towards the table and Sam looks around at where Blaine is beaming sweetly at his dad's jokes, apparently not having the guts to tell him that they're awful – because _they_ _are_ awful, not like Sam's impressions, those are amazing. He tries to ignore the pain in his chest at the familiar situation and just dries up the last plate before resting it beside the sink.

For half an hour more, Blaine patiently listens to Dwight talking without complaining and it's just when his dad says his good-night's and goes upstairs and his mom carries Stevie and Stacey to sleep, that Sam and Blaine talk again. From Blaine's tone of voice, Sam guesses the dinner soothed him or made him forget about the kissing.

"Your family is fucking awesome, dude." He smiles and his eyes look actually sincere. "They're so supportive of every little shit you do and I'm like, 'if only I had parents like that or a brother that didn't actually break my toys just because he is a sick attention-whore'."

Blaine doesn't add anything to that or looks like he wants to, but Sam wonders if there's a continuation. If what Blaine means is actually, 'I wouldn't be so fucked up maybe'. Sam doesn't think he is, but he knows that's Blaine's opinion about himself.

"Yeah, they're cool." Sam agrees, his hands sliding in his pockets – because there's no way he wouldn't feel uncomfortable with them having kissed before dinner. "And I've never broken Stevie and Stacey's toys. At least not on purpose."

Blaine looks at him for an interminable moment from where he is still sitting at the table.

There's that shadow in his eyes once more and it's making Sam stiffen, every single muscle of his body trying to cover his undying emotions towards the possibility that it might be more. Eventually, Blaine stands up and shrugs, as if nothing happened.

"I guess I should go." He says easily. "Kids make me tired."

Sam nods, his heart aching a little from the bitterness of having to let go without any further comment on what happened in his room. At the same time, maybe he needs a moment to himself to recollect his thoughts before they actually speak, so it might be a positive thing. Plus, for once Blaine doesn't look like he is storming out to run away when it comes to feelings, so that's a good sign.

"Let's go then," he says fondly and they move upstairs so that Blaine can gather his stuff together.

When they walk out of Sam's place and to the sidewalk where Blaine's motorbike is parked, Sam is surprised at the way Blaine is checking the street around, like he wants to make sure no one's there. They both stand by the motorbike for a moment, Blaine's curious gaze wandering around and then, when he turns to Sam, Sam barely has the time to open his mouth and ask, that Blaine is lifting on his toes and leaning in to kiss him.

Sam breathes in through his nose but he doesn't dare to move. He isn't sure if this was Blaine's aim when he checked on the road, to make sure no one saw them.

It's the briefest of kisses, it's just a tiny brush before Blaine scoots back, of course. Sam keeps his eyes shut for a second more and he can't help the little smile that forms on his lips while he opens them. Blaine looks completely comfortable before his eyes, a lot more than he seemed to be after their kiss in his room. That makes Sam wonder if he should call it a progress, if he should hope for more.

"I'm going to go now, okay?"

His voice comes out as soft and Sam wants him so much to stop being a lunatic. At the same time, he can't but enjoy it though. He can't even stop grinning like an idiot for the matter. Therefore he nods and presses his lips together, trying hard not to hop on his feet because that wouldn't be totally ridiculous and Blaine already has too many embarrassing events to use as blackmail material.

"Okay." Sam manages to murmur back and then Blaine is moving away.

For a moment, Sam feels like he caught him licking his lips but he can't be sure, maybe it's just his mind playing tricks on him.

By the time he goes to bed a few hours later, Sam is _firmly_ convinced that his mind played tricks on him. And even though this conviction easily settled under his skin, the last thought before he drifts is that maybe this isn't just him taking advantage of everything Blaine can give him before they split ways forever and he even loses him as a friend. Maybe there is actually a chance for them. Or this might be just the poison of Blaine's lips intoxicating his soul and filling his chest with hope which will make the fallout even worse when spring and summer will be over.


End file.
